Addendum on Ubuntu: Another hour later, display is not only dual-monitor functional, but dual-monitor friendly. I spent a good amount of time contemplating percussive maintenance to get it, before narrowing down the problem: MetaModes.
In the short period of time between my knowing next-to-nothing about the term, to now, MetaModes have gone from a Ubuntu-related curiosity to the bane of my existance. The motherfucker who came up with such an inane concept and/or the fucking bastards who put next-to-nothing for error checking in both nvidia-settings AND displaysettings-gtk deserve nothing less than my undying ire and hatred.
Fuck you guys. Fuck you.
But now I get to get on to the fun part; customizing my terminal. Whee!
